I’m back with another snippet for this WEWRIWA (Weekend Writing Warriors) thing.
To meet some new authors, read some great writing, or join in the 8-sentence fun, stop by at Weekend Writing Warriors!
In this scene, we see our heroes do a mad horseback dash towards their ship, through a clearing in the dragon infested jungle. They’ve got a company of marines at their back, so there’s no retreat. Oh, and the marines’ commander has their friend Xing tied to a stake, ready as dragon food…
I grabbed Yumiko on the way past, and she swung into the saddle behind me. Mister Ed took us thundering out into the shallows like a limb-powered speedboat, and with the low-Gs we could very-nearly run on water.
We galloped towards the giant tree that had lain fallen in the lake, and now rose out of it like a wooden freeway ramp, leading straight to the ledge where my shipwreck hung. Ed leapt, and we clattered out onto the wood. We were loud, and we were fast.
If this didn’t work…
As we reached halfway, the dragon erupted from the water beside us, droplets cascading off it like crystal clouds. All I could think was… jackpot.
Alright, that’s it for this one, let me know your thoughts.
I love that he rides Mr. Ed and how you describe the power. Fun! I’ve never liked reading “There was.” Why not jump right into the line with “A fallen log rose from the lake . . . ?” I also wouldn’t repeat the words “the ledge.” The sentence describing the dragon is perfect. Jackpot!
Thanks! Those are some good suggestions as well, I’ll sort it out. 🙂 Mr. Ed is the joke name Roger gives to his ship’s figurehead when it comes to life, because it’s basically a big robotic talking horse, and Sleipnir (the ship’s actual name) is harder to pronounce than Ed
This was an awesome action packed snippet! I love this line, “Mister Ed took us thundering out into the shallows like a limb-powered speedboat, and with the low-Gs we could very-nearly run on water.” It’s creative and dynamic, and it’s just awesome 😀 If they jumped on the log it wouldn’t sink or spin? More than one person on a horse going at break-neck speed seems like the log may sink as they jump onto it. If they did it slowly I don’t think it would be a problem. I don’t know much about the physics of it. Just something I thought about while reading.
Anyway, that dragon might freak the horse out or kill them all, whichever comes first XD Although the ending line, “All I could think was… jackpot,” makes me think maybe the dragon is a good thing? I went back and read previous excerpts. So far there is Roger, Yumiko, and Xing. Do I sense a love triangle? 8D Maybe I’m reading into it too much XD
The log thing I probably need to add context: these are genetically modified trees, supermassive, like the world tree from Norse mythology, Yggdrasil. The idea behind them is that building and supporting the domes on these asteroids using metal alone would be insanely resource intensive, so they plant these giant trees to strengthen and support the structure. Kind of like an enormous creeper vine?
Oh yeah the dragon freaks the bejeebus out of the poor horse just after this snippet. The dragon appearing straight away was a good thing for their current strategic situation with the marines, although obviously it could kill them all if they’re not careful.
Hah, there’s a fair bit of loving in the tale, but no triangles, nor squares. He’s not really a James Bond or a cassanova either, just a lovable rogue (pirate). Maybe kind of Austin Powers but handsome?
Ah okay, the explanation about the log makes sense 😀 Yeah, its hard with snippets because things that would be obvious to the reader aren’t obvious when the snippet is presented without context. Austin Powers XD I watched the second one many times, lol. The first time I saw it I didn’t like it, but it grew on me.
Yeah, those movies are pretty damn funny. Thanks for your feedback on the snippet btw! 🙂
Quite the situation, loved the tone of it. Totally great and I want to read MORE. Excellent excerpt!
Thank you! I will maybe post a run-on segment from this one, next week 🙂
The pacing is great. Action! I liked the Mr Ed reference, and I especially liked this: “If this didn’t work…” 🙂
Thank you! Really glad you liked it 🙂
I’m hoping to squeeze a lot of references into my work, just because I’ve always wondered what would happen to all this pop-culture stuff in the distant future. In a post apocalyptic world, with no mass film industry of its own, we’d probably regurgitate all of our past, and because it’s all so distant it would be interesting to see which eras and mediums people preferred.
I’m with Teresa, loved that line. Now, I want to know what they’re going to do with the dragon…
Thank you! Really appreciate the feedback.
As for what they’re going to do with the dragon: they’re going to hope that it eats the bad guys instead of them 😉 Gotta love a huge, dragonscaled, firebreathing roll of the dice!